"Iowa Visitors Guide "
Attention Visitors – Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin:
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
-
That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you’ll
do all week at the gym. How’d you like to go home and tell your momma you
got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls? -
It’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re going
to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive
it or get it out of the way. -
We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we
saw Bambi. We got over it. -
Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get your
butt kicked…by our women. -
Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13
inch trout you fish for.. …bait. -
Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
-
If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you
don’t have it up to your ear at the time. -
That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you paid in the airport. -
The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks…and a dang sight more fun to watch. -
No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and
pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It
comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon. -
You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice. -
So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We’re real impressed. We have
quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year. -
Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow. -
Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks–because they want to. So, you’re
a feminist. Isn’t that cute. -
Yeah, we eat catfish–carp, too–and turtle. You really want sushi and
caviar? It’s available at the bait shop. -
They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like
it? Interstate 80 goes two ways - 35 goes the other two. Pick one. -
The “Opener” refers to the first day of pheasant season. It’s a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You
can get breakfast at the church. -
So every person in every pick-up waves. It’s called being friendly.
Understand the concept or we’ll kick your butt. -
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish. -
No, we can’t shoot the doves. They’re song birds. Okay, even we feel a
little stupid about that one.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
`I found this pretty funny, it’s not ment to offend.
** Aloha**</font color=red> 
Dan
Stand Up!!!
