01-07-2004, 02:00 AM
i got this e-mail today
>Subject: Diary Of A Snow Shoveler
>Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2003 16:20:52 -0500
>
>
>December 8:
>
>It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took
>our
>cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
>drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic
>we
>felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
>
>
>December 9:
>
>We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of
>the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
>the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for
>the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway
>and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up
>the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>perfect life.
>
>
>December 12:
>
>The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor
>tells me not to worry we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
>Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
>winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
>possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>
>
>December 14:
>
>Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold
>makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up
>by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow
>came
>back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
>have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape
>this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
>
>
>December 15:
>
>20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires
>for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
>a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We
>aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>
>December 16:
>
>Ice storm this morning. Fell on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
>Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
>
>
>December 17:
>
>Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was
>off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do
>but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought
>a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I
>can't
>believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>
>
>December 20:
>
>Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More
>shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor
>kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think
>they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a
>snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
>they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
>bill me. I think he's lying.
>
>
>December 22:
>
>Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white
>thing fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took
>me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and by the time I
>got dressed, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
>his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he
>is lying.
>
>
>December 23:
>
>Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
>decorate
>the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she
>tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
>
>
>December 24:
>
>6" of snow packed so hard by snowplow l broke the shovel. Thought I was
>having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow,
>I'll drag him through the snow for sure. I know he hides around the corner
>and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
>100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
>the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
>but I was busy watching for the snowplow.
>
>
>December 25:
>
>Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the darned snow tonight. Snowed
>in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the
>snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
>with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
>idiot.
>If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill
>her.
>
>
>December 26:
>
>Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's
>really
>getting on my nerves.
>
>
>December 27:
>
>Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>
>December 28:
>
>Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. This is driving me crazy!!!
>
>
>December 29:
>
>10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
>That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>
>
>December 30:
>
>Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for
>the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9"
>predicted.
>
>
>December 31:
>
>Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>
>January 8:
>
>I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
>Why am I tied to the bed?
[signature]
>Subject: Diary Of A Snow Shoveler
>Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2003 16:20:52 -0500
>
>
>December 8:
>
>It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took
>our
>cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
>drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic
>we
>felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
>
>
>December 9:
>
>We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of
>the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
>the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for
>the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway
>and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up
>the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>perfect life.
>
>
>December 12:
>
>The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor
>tells me not to worry we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
>Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
>winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
>possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>
>
>December 14:
>
>Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold
>makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up
>by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow
>came
>back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
>have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape
>this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
>
>
>December 15:
>
>20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires
>for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
>a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We
>aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>
>December 16:
>
>Ice storm this morning. Fell on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
>Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
>
>
>December 17:
>
>Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was
>off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do
>but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought
>a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I
>can't
>believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>
>
>December 20:
>
>Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More
>shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor
>kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think
>they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a
>snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
>they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
>bill me. I think he's lying.
>
>
>December 22:
>
>Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white
>thing fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took
>me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and by the time I
>got dressed, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
>his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he
>is lying.
>
>
>December 23:
>
>Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
>decorate
>the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she
>tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
>
>
>December 24:
>
>6" of snow packed so hard by snowplow l broke the shovel. Thought I was
>having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow,
>I'll drag him through the snow for sure. I know he hides around the corner
>and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
>100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
>the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
>but I was busy watching for the snowplow.
>
>
>December 25:
>
>Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the darned snow tonight. Snowed
>in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the
>snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
>with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
>idiot.
>If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill
>her.
>
>
>December 26:
>
>Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's
>really
>getting on my nerves.
>
>
>December 27:
>
>Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>
>December 28:
>
>Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. This is driving me crazy!!!
>
>
>December 29:
>
>10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
>That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>
>
>December 30:
>
>Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for
>the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9"
>predicted.
>
>
>December 31:
>
>Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>
>January 8:
>
>I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
>Why am I tied to the bed?
[signature]