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+--- Thread: The RETROsexual Male Code (/showthread.php?tid=125715)
The RETROsexual Male Code - ruger - 04-19-2004
[#0000ff]My sister just sent me this and I couldn't think of a better place to pass it along. I just hope there are none of the "wussys" lurking here
][/#0000ff] OK, I have had it!
I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more!
Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is
effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and
talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng
shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual,
transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and
purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the
urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt,
belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start
of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the
Retrosexual movement.
The Code : RETROSEXUAL
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists,
PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the
ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire,
break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you
DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills
it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90.
It's not how long you live, but how well.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products
than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of
stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps
if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic
when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff
if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT"
portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the
title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in
his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of
manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major
reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming
a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, it ain't
worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for
major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction,
death of your entire family in a freak treechipper
accident, favorite sports team being moved to a
different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You
are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't
pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH
IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his
wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when
wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good scar from
a wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools.
If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole,
practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully
ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign
that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and
are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just
plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexaul
may cry, and none of them have to do with TV
commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are
sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of
release is swearing or throwing the remote control.
Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are
not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet
(fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a
major body part.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a
commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman
gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his
seat to that woman, then looks around at the other
so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted
"you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly,
and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He
also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife
and mother do not understand, but that are essential
to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable
manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or
in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting,
boxing, shot putting, shooting, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and
kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow or a blizzard
without sliding all over or driving under 20mph,
without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride
in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it
land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he
@!#$ well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not
only any women but any elderly person or person in
military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in
military dress may turn down the offer but the
Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and
thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a
handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his
word even if circumstances change or the other person
deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue
someone when he does something stupid and hurts
himself. We understand that sometimes in the process
of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
Re: [ruger] The RETROsexual Male Code - cat_man - 04-19-2004
Hey ruger that one is great!! I needed that today!
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Re: [ruger] The RETROsexual Male Code - DanielJRioux - 04-20-2004
That is a good one, call me Retro! But what if the Retro is in the military, does he still offer his bus seat to anouther in the military? Even it he is of higher rank?
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Re: [ruger] The RETROsexual Male Code - BEARCLAW - 04-20-2004
I think we should start a retrosexuals for equal rights movement. Seems nowadays we're the minority being discriminated against[sly].. Ruger,
this one gave me a good laugh, which is always appreciated. Thank you.[
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Re: [BEARCLAW] The RETROsexual Male Code - kokeking - 04-21-2004
this is good i seen this on another board,lots of good advise and true words in there.[
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Re: [BEARCLAW] The RETROsexual Male Code - patches - 05-04-2004
[
][]hahahahahaha i liked it guys! haha and i,m sick of it too! even the female shows! ahah i,ll tke one of you guys anyday, haha even the females can,t git there hands dirty anymore. makes me sick! haha and i,m female./ haha later it,s gittin women dont know what their missin. ahha []ahha[signature]